Conflict resolution
Prepare for a difficult conversation with a fellow volunteer, officer, speaker, or partner.
Describe what happened in rough notes, and get a short script you can say or send. The script follows a four-part framework that keeps facts separate from interpretation.
The four-part framework
Say each part in order, in your own words.
| Part | What it covers | Starts with |
|---|---|---|
| 1. What happened | Observable facts only: what was said or done, and when. Something a camera would record. | "What happened is…" |
| 2. How it seems to me | Your interpretation, offered as yours, not as fact. | "How it seems to me is…" |
| 3. How I feel about it | One or two feelings. Not "I feel that you…", which is a judgment. | "I feel…" |
| 4. My commitment | What you care about (the relationship, the event, the chapter) and what you'd like to happen next. | "My commitment is…" |
Example (fictional)
A volunteer was eager to take on the communications chair role, but event communications weren't sent for the last two events, and you had to do them yourself.
What happened: "When you joined the committee, you expressed strong interest in serving as Communications Chair, and we were glad to have you in the role. For our last two events, the planned communications were not distributed, and I stepped in to complete them to keep the events on track."
How it seems to me: "My perception is that the current demands of the role may not align with your availability right now. As a result, I've become less confident that communications will be delivered on schedule."
How I feel: "I'm concerned about the impact on event promotion and attendance, and I'd like us to address this together."
My commitment: "I'm committed to the success of our events and to making sure this role is a good fit for you. I'd welcome a conversation about what support would help, or whether adjusting the scope of the role makes sense, so we can agree on a clear plan for upcoming events."
Ready to work on your own situation? Go to Prepare a difficult conversation.
If the situation involves harassment, discrimination, safety, or an ethics or legal concern, take it to chapter leadership or ASSP rather than handling it alone.